This week is bittersweet for me. My oldest child will be an 8th grader, the final bridge before crossing that river into near adulthood and high school. My youngest child is entering the 6th grade. . .also crossing a bridge in young adulthood with her entrance to middle school. And they get to spend a year together before being separate. . .perfect.
Except, this week isn't perfect. Wednesday, the day the children start school, was to be the due date for our son. Aug 24, 2011 was supposed to be a day of celebrating, rejoicing, and adding to our family. Instead, I'll take the children to school, go on a job interview, and try desperately to find a way to get through the day.
Today however, I choose joy.
I choose to rejoice in what I know. . .that my son is present with his maker, with the One whose arms held him the very moment that my body no longer could. I rejoice that though we never saw his little face, we loved him. I rejoice that we gave him life, and that for 14 weeks he was our little guy.
Benjamin Daniel Stevenson never took a breath, but the wonder of his short life continues to take my breath away. The pain in his death leaves me with little except the knowledge that my Papa loves me enough to bring healing into my wounded heart, and is teaching me how to minister that same healing to others.
Benjamin - for our sorrow. Rachel named her son Benjamin as she lay dying after his birth, "Son of my pain." Jacob later renamed the boy, "Son of my strength."
Daniel - meaning, "God is my judge." The name Daniel is especially meaningful to me b/c my dear friend Danny Steyne knew I would be pregnant long before I did. he knew I was pregnant before I told him, b/c he has come to understand that what God says, God does. Daniel was the easiest choice for a name. . .but after we lost our son, the meaning became so incredibly painful. UNTIL. . .God spoke to me about judgment.
We have not been judged for the death of our little boy. God did not "take" him away from us. God loves us, and He has grieved alongside of us. He has made Benjamin's name meaningful, and taught us more about Himself as a person than any bible study ever could have. God will judge the one who is responsible for death. . .and He will do so with vengence. The son of my sorrow will be avenged by the God who loves his mother and father.
On August 24th, I'll walk through my day with the tiniest charm tucked away in my pocket. It's not a reminder of what I can't have, but rather a reminder of what God has given to me in the midst of pain and grief.
HOPE
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Unsanctified Mercy (The LOVE Series)
This is the second post in a series based on LOVE.
Recently, I've been working on a series about LOVE. This post isn't as focused on love specifically, but is in keeping in the same vein. In this post however, we're going to talk a little bit about mercy, God's mercy, and unsanctified mercy.
First of all, it's necessary to understand exactly what mercy is. For the Christ follower, this is relatively simple. For us, the definition of biblical mercy, that is God's mercy is the sparing and/or rescue from judgment. In regards to our eternal salvation, this is easily understandable. In regards to the confrontation of sin however, many Christians struggle with the mercy issue.
From the New Testament we learn of God's amazing mercy toward us. In Matthew we read about the shepherd who leaves the 99 sheep to pursue the 1 who wandered away. In Titus we read that it is not by our own works of righteousness that we are saved, but only by His mercy. The modern day church has experienced an ABUNDANCE of mercy lacking - the stories would fill volumes and volumes of books. We as humans can be an unmerciful lot to be sure. But the opposite end of this spectrum is the exceptional tolerance of a person's sin without regard to a complete understanding of mercy.
What do I mean? Well, lets look at a few more scriptures. Ezekiel 33:11 says this; "As surely as I live, says the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of wicked people. I only want them to turn from their wicked ways so they can live. Turn! Turn from your wickedness, O people of Israel! Why should you die?" While clear that the Lord is addressing Israel, are we not all Israel in our sin? Of all the scripture regarding mercy, these words exude power coupled with mercy. God is desiring that His children repent of their wickedness, their sin, and return to Him for mercy. Isaiah writes, "Let the people turn from their wicked deeds. Let them banish from their minds the very thought of doing wrong! Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." (Isaiah 55:7) Again, we read about God's longing for us to return to Him, seeking His mercy rather than judgment. He is yearning for a people who will rebuke the very thoughts of wrongdoing.
There is an absolute necessary act of sacrifice required for the mercy of God. In the Old Testament, people brought their sacrifices to the temple in order to obtain mercy for their sins. We know that Christ Himself became the sacrifice for our sin, but we have forgotten a vitally important element to receiving mercy. Mercy is not a one time deal, it's an ongoing relationship. It is not enough that we seek out the Savior for mercy from death and eternal damnation. We must regularly pursue mercy. . .mercy is applied to our sin, and we are rescued from judgment. But we must act upon our need for mercy in order to receive it.
The sacrifice then is our humbling of self to approach the throne with repentence in our hearts for our sin. I am absolutely astounded at the number of Christians who do not understand that all sin is first and foremost perpetrated against God, and then only secondly toward man. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "God doesn't care about this. It's just a big deal to you." Our sin is what separates us from God - He very much does care. The Adamic nature of mankind is sinful, which is why we needed a Savior to begin with. But it doesn't release us from the expectation of accountability for our sin nature. The approach we make to God in our sin is what moves Him to mercy. The strolling in attitude of, "Well God you know I'm screw up so here I am again, let's get this done b/c I have things to do" is an abomination and grieves our Lord. The absence of repentence can bring about a hardening of the heart when the Christian does not "feel" as though they are receiving mercy from God.
So now in understanding the need for repentence in the seeking out of mercy, let us address the danger of unsanctified mercy. To sanctify something means to set apart or declare holy. So putting together these two definitions, we can deduce that sanctified mercy is a holy sparing or rescue from judgment. Therefore, unsanctified mercy is an unholy sparing or rescue from judgment. This is a dangerous place from which to operate in our faith because it opens the Christian up to attacks from the enemy. Many Christians today have entered into a "total tolerance" for people. They embrace the misunderstood system of loving sinners. I have heard over and over, "love the sinner, hate the sin." While loving the sinner is visited throughout the Word of God, nowhere are we instructed to love the sinner but hate the sin. We are called to abhor all things sinful. Did Jesus distinguish b/t the sin and the sinner in Matthew 23 when He addressed the Pharisees and called them a brood of vipers? Or how about Psalm 4:5 where David says, The foolish will not stand in Your sight; You hate all workers of iniquity." This seems that those who work in sin defile the very mercy of God. This does not mean that God does not love the repenetent sinner, not at all. These verses address the very real issue of those who are aware of their poor choices, and yet choose to remain in their sin. As I said, it's a very dangerous place to be if you're unrepentent, and more so for those who either cannot see this lack of repentence or simply do not care.
Only real love can express real mercy. This is how mercy ties in with love. Jesus was a living example of this in His seemingly upside down theology of the time. Embracing a tax collector but openly rebuking the religious leaders; embracing a whore and chastising His own friends; healing the soldier who aggressed Him and correcting His disciple who defended Him. These are all issues of mercy with very different finales. The differences b/t those upon whom He emoted mercy and those He judged was the issue of the heart. . .the genuine repentence rather than the justification of deeds.
So which camp are you in? Do you seek to simply "love everyone" and extend mercy to everyone? Are you being led by the Holy Spirit in this or is it possible that you're beliefs regarding these issues could use a little sharpening. I'm by no means saying begin to reject people b/c they are sinners - we're all sinners. But are you practicing sanctified mercy or are you enabling sin by allowing the belief system of unsanctified mercy to drive your faith.
Recently, I've been working on a series about LOVE. This post isn't as focused on love specifically, but is in keeping in the same vein. In this post however, we're going to talk a little bit about mercy, God's mercy, and unsanctified mercy.
First of all, it's necessary to understand exactly what mercy is. For the Christ follower, this is relatively simple. For us, the definition of biblical mercy, that is God's mercy is the sparing and/or rescue from judgment. In regards to our eternal salvation, this is easily understandable. In regards to the confrontation of sin however, many Christians struggle with the mercy issue.
From the New Testament we learn of God's amazing mercy toward us. In Matthew we read about the shepherd who leaves the 99 sheep to pursue the 1 who wandered away. In Titus we read that it is not by our own works of righteousness that we are saved, but only by His mercy. The modern day church has experienced an ABUNDANCE of mercy lacking - the stories would fill volumes and volumes of books. We as humans can be an unmerciful lot to be sure. But the opposite end of this spectrum is the exceptional tolerance of a person's sin without regard to a complete understanding of mercy.
What do I mean? Well, lets look at a few more scriptures. Ezekiel 33:11 says this; "As surely as I live, says the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of wicked people. I only want them to turn from their wicked ways so they can live. Turn! Turn from your wickedness, O people of Israel! Why should you die?" While clear that the Lord is addressing Israel, are we not all Israel in our sin? Of all the scripture regarding mercy, these words exude power coupled with mercy. God is desiring that His children repent of their wickedness, their sin, and return to Him for mercy. Isaiah writes, "Let the people turn from their wicked deeds. Let them banish from their minds the very thought of doing wrong! Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." (Isaiah 55:7) Again, we read about God's longing for us to return to Him, seeking His mercy rather than judgment. He is yearning for a people who will rebuke the very thoughts of wrongdoing.
There is an absolute necessary act of sacrifice required for the mercy of God. In the Old Testament, people brought their sacrifices to the temple in order to obtain mercy for their sins. We know that Christ Himself became the sacrifice for our sin, but we have forgotten a vitally important element to receiving mercy. Mercy is not a one time deal, it's an ongoing relationship. It is not enough that we seek out the Savior for mercy from death and eternal damnation. We must regularly pursue mercy. . .mercy is applied to our sin, and we are rescued from judgment. But we must act upon our need for mercy in order to receive it.
The sacrifice then is our humbling of self to approach the throne with repentence in our hearts for our sin. I am absolutely astounded at the number of Christians who do not understand that all sin is first and foremost perpetrated against God, and then only secondly toward man. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "God doesn't care about this. It's just a big deal to you." Our sin is what separates us from God - He very much does care. The Adamic nature of mankind is sinful, which is why we needed a Savior to begin with. But it doesn't release us from the expectation of accountability for our sin nature. The approach we make to God in our sin is what moves Him to mercy. The strolling in attitude of, "Well God you know I'm screw up so here I am again, let's get this done b/c I have things to do" is an abomination and grieves our Lord. The absence of repentence can bring about a hardening of the heart when the Christian does not "feel" as though they are receiving mercy from God.
So now in understanding the need for repentence in the seeking out of mercy, let us address the danger of unsanctified mercy. To sanctify something means to set apart or declare holy. So putting together these two definitions, we can deduce that sanctified mercy is a holy sparing or rescue from judgment. Therefore, unsanctified mercy is an unholy sparing or rescue from judgment. This is a dangerous place from which to operate in our faith because it opens the Christian up to attacks from the enemy. Many Christians today have entered into a "total tolerance" for people. They embrace the misunderstood system of loving sinners. I have heard over and over, "love the sinner, hate the sin." While loving the sinner is visited throughout the Word of God, nowhere are we instructed to love the sinner but hate the sin. We are called to abhor all things sinful. Did Jesus distinguish b/t the sin and the sinner in Matthew 23 when He addressed the Pharisees and called them a brood of vipers? Or how about Psalm 4:5 where David says, The foolish will not stand in Your sight; You hate all workers of iniquity." This seems that those who work in sin defile the very mercy of God. This does not mean that God does not love the repenetent sinner, not at all. These verses address the very real issue of those who are aware of their poor choices, and yet choose to remain in their sin. As I said, it's a very dangerous place to be if you're unrepentent, and more so for those who either cannot see this lack of repentence or simply do not care.
Only real love can express real mercy. This is how mercy ties in with love. Jesus was a living example of this in His seemingly upside down theology of the time. Embracing a tax collector but openly rebuking the religious leaders; embracing a whore and chastising His own friends; healing the soldier who aggressed Him and correcting His disciple who defended Him. These are all issues of mercy with very different finales. The differences b/t those upon whom He emoted mercy and those He judged was the issue of the heart. . .the genuine repentence rather than the justification of deeds.
So which camp are you in? Do you seek to simply "love everyone" and extend mercy to everyone? Are you being led by the Holy Spirit in this or is it possible that you're beliefs regarding these issues could use a little sharpening. I'm by no means saying begin to reject people b/c they are sinners - we're all sinners. But are you practicing sanctified mercy or are you enabling sin by allowing the belief system of unsanctified mercy to drive your faith.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
All You Need is Love. . .(The LOVE series)
Disclaimer; This blog post is NOT about the love we have for our spouses, or our children, or our biological family. This is more about those who have entered our lives peripherally and our love relationship with them.
Recently, I've been on this journey of rediscovering what love really is. To quote my favorite southerner, "I am not a smart (wo)man, but I know what love is."
The thing is, I don't think most of us really understand what love truly is. I believe that I am loved, and I believe that I love others, but I genuinely believe when compared to what love is supposed to be, we have no idea what we're doing.
Love isn't something you "fall" into or out of. Nothing burns me up faster than hearing someone say, "We just fell out of love" or "the heart wants what the heart wants." Neither of these declarations are true. . .at least they shouldn't be true for Christians. Love is deliberate. . .love doesn't happen accidentally. . .love doesn't simply come and go. The heart should be taken captive, and lead. . .we aren't supposed to be captivated by our hearts leadings. And yet I encounter people time and time again who are broken and shattered because they've been betrayed by someone they love, or worse yet, by their own heart. And time and again the story is the same, "But I love them!" Love. . .ultimately. . .is a choice.
Jesus defined this very deliberate choice when He was in the garden before His crucifixion. He asked the Father for another choice, but surrendered to God's will above all. In that, He made a choice to love an unlovable humanity; a humanity who did not deserve Him and who ultimately condemned Him to death. In His surrender to His Father, He chose to actively and deliberately love us. Can we say the same about our relationships? Do we love anyone enough that we would surrender our will to God's will? Even if it meant taking us far out of our comfort zone? In this great family of God, we are called to love others, to enter into covenant relationship with those with whom we have no biological connections. Is our love for them as strong as our love for ourselves and the things that are important to us?
Everyone brought up in the church knows about the Love verse. . .Corinthians 13:13. . .but do we know why the greatest of these three is love? Aside from the fact that love was defined as the highest describing authority of God, there are a variety of reasons why love is so important. We were commanded to love others. . .John 13:25, "Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples – if you have love for one another.” and John 15:12, "My commandment is this – to love one another just as I have loved you." How many of us can honestly say that we love others as He loved us? The argument ensues that there are those who are not deserving of our love, but Jesus addressed this in Luke chapter 6 by addressing how simple and easy it is for us to love those who love us, to lend to those from whom we can reasonably expect repayment. It's not a sacrifice to do something easy. Let me say that again; it's not a sacrifice to do something easy. The hard part comes when we realize that loving others as He loved us means we are to love the ones who don't seem to deserve it, who make it difficult, who do not love us in return. This is not a pearls and swine discussion as this isn't about teaching or salvation. Jesus never said for us to only those who are saved, or those who believe as we believe, but to love others as He loved us.
When the heart of a Christian finds itself captive and under the submission of Christ, it no longer wants what it wants, or loves without guidance. The captive heart learns to love what Jesus loves and how Jesus loves. As such, the responses change to more closely parallel the responses of Jesus. Our love is meant to be both a response to God from whom love derives, as well as the reflection of His love. Love is not blind, despite the commonly held belief. Love does indeed cover a multitude of sin. . .but it recognizes sin. Likewise, love recognizes good and evil. The love of God clings to those things which are good, and rejects that which is evil. It is not all accepting; rather it is scrutinizing and perceptive and discerning.
Love does not build up itself, rather it gives up the preservation of itself for the edification of others. John 13:34 says this, "I give you a new commandment – to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." Again, how often and how honestly do we love others in this manner? How often have you given up what you desired for your brother? Loving others means serving them instead of yourself. God's love within us is not only holy, but it is also righteous. This means that as Christians our love should be sacred and set apart from the love the world exhibits, and that we must understand that this love is to always be upright, justifiable, virtuous, and without guilt or sin. God calls for us to have holy love; a sacrificial love. And like God Himself, we are extolled to seek long term love, rather than short term. Long term love is enduring rather than emoting, it perseveres and challenges. Long term love is a form of love that requires the giver to take extreme risk and to practice surrendered discernment. It contributes to the building up and benefit of our brethren. This kind of love both responds to and reflects the love of God within us and toward us.
Recently, I've been on this journey of rediscovering what love really is. To quote my favorite southerner, "I am not a smart (wo)man, but I know what love is."
The thing is, I don't think most of us really understand what love truly is. I believe that I am loved, and I believe that I love others, but I genuinely believe when compared to what love is supposed to be, we have no idea what we're doing.
Love isn't something you "fall" into or out of. Nothing burns me up faster than hearing someone say, "We just fell out of love" or "the heart wants what the heart wants." Neither of these declarations are true. . .at least they shouldn't be true for Christians. Love is deliberate. . .love doesn't happen accidentally. . .love doesn't simply come and go. The heart should be taken captive, and lead. . .we aren't supposed to be captivated by our hearts leadings. And yet I encounter people time and time again who are broken and shattered because they've been betrayed by someone they love, or worse yet, by their own heart. And time and again the story is the same, "But I love them!" Love. . .ultimately. . .is a choice.
Jesus defined this very deliberate choice when He was in the garden before His crucifixion. He asked the Father for another choice, but surrendered to God's will above all. In that, He made a choice to love an unlovable humanity; a humanity who did not deserve Him and who ultimately condemned Him to death. In His surrender to His Father, He chose to actively and deliberately love us. Can we say the same about our relationships? Do we love anyone enough that we would surrender our will to God's will? Even if it meant taking us far out of our comfort zone? In this great family of God, we are called to love others, to enter into covenant relationship with those with whom we have no biological connections. Is our love for them as strong as our love for ourselves and the things that are important to us?
Everyone brought up in the church knows about the Love verse. . .Corinthians 13:13. . .but do we know why the greatest of these three is love? Aside from the fact that love was defined as the highest describing authority of God, there are a variety of reasons why love is so important. We were commanded to love others. . .John 13:25, "Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples – if you have love for one another.” and John 15:12, "My commandment is this – to love one another just as I have loved you." How many of us can honestly say that we love others as He loved us? The argument ensues that there are those who are not deserving of our love, but Jesus addressed this in Luke chapter 6 by addressing how simple and easy it is for us to love those who love us, to lend to those from whom we can reasonably expect repayment. It's not a sacrifice to do something easy. Let me say that again; it's not a sacrifice to do something easy. The hard part comes when we realize that loving others as He loved us means we are to love the ones who don't seem to deserve it, who make it difficult, who do not love us in return. This is not a pearls and swine discussion as this isn't about teaching or salvation. Jesus never said for us to only those who are saved, or those who believe as we believe, but to love others as He loved us.
When the heart of a Christian finds itself captive and under the submission of Christ, it no longer wants what it wants, or loves without guidance. The captive heart learns to love what Jesus loves and how Jesus loves. As such, the responses change to more closely parallel the responses of Jesus. Our love is meant to be both a response to God from whom love derives, as well as the reflection of His love. Love is not blind, despite the commonly held belief. Love does indeed cover a multitude of sin. . .but it recognizes sin. Likewise, love recognizes good and evil. The love of God clings to those things which are good, and rejects that which is evil. It is not all accepting; rather it is scrutinizing and perceptive and discerning.
Love does not build up itself, rather it gives up the preservation of itself for the edification of others. John 13:34 says this, "I give you a new commandment – to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." Again, how often and how honestly do we love others in this manner? How often have you given up what you desired for your brother? Loving others means serving them instead of yourself. God's love within us is not only holy, but it is also righteous. This means that as Christians our love should be sacred and set apart from the love the world exhibits, and that we must understand that this love is to always be upright, justifiable, virtuous, and without guilt or sin. God calls for us to have holy love; a sacrificial love. And like God Himself, we are extolled to seek long term love, rather than short term. Long term love is enduring rather than emoting, it perseveres and challenges. Long term love is a form of love that requires the giver to take extreme risk and to practice surrendered discernment. It contributes to the building up and benefit of our brethren. This kind of love both responds to and reflects the love of God within us and toward us.
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Thursday, April 14, 2011
Comeback time. . .
I just started shooting again this past Saturday, and this coming Saturday I have another Pictures in the Park shoot and a wedding on Sunday. Still not at a place where I can do maternity again, but I'm getting there. I'm planning to "gift" my services to Healthy Beginnings for the underprivledged mothers there.
I thought I'd share a few of my favorite shots here. . .
I thought I'd share a few of my favorite shots here. . .
OHHH My gosh what a cutie pie this little fellow was!
Can you say JOY??
Again with the irrestible cuteness!
Makes you just want to go, "Squeeeeeee" doesn't it?
Such a beautiful young lady. . .
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Worship and Bondage - take two
Last Monday, I was a very disobedient daughter. I woke to prayers spilling out of my lips, and my Father's voice very clearly calling me to worship. "Today, you worship me." Anger overtook me, and all I could think about was how the LAST thing I wanted to do with God, or for God was to worship Him. Wasn't it enough that we were finally on speaking terms after two weeks of grief? Apparently not. . .
I got up, got my day started. . .all the while, that call to join Him in the intimate place of worship was still hammering on my heart. And I was still doing my level best to ignore it. I took the kids to school and went on into my office. And THAT was when things got interesting. I had about an hour before my secretary got in, and I powered up my computer and started some correspondence that needed to be done. I got it all done. . .was just htiting the "send" button when she got there. I went out to the front office to speak to her, and the very moment I walked back into MY office, the power shut down. I turned around to say something to her, and realized the power was on in the rest of the building. . .just not my office. Huh. Weird. Must be a fuse or something. So down to the basement I went, only to find the panel was right as rain. No flipped switches, no nothing. I shut everything down, turned it all back on, and went back upstairs. Nothing. But, it was only on ONE side of the building, and in one space. MY OFFICE. So, I went to the other room, to use the spare computer. I couldn't pull up a single one of my files. . .everyone elses, no problem. But mine were inaccessable no matter what I did. Huh. Weird.
And then, that voice, "Come. . .worship me." Ahh. . .the disobedient daughter now realizes that her Father is making a point.
I told Amanda I was leaving for the day, and went home to get my iPod and let my husband know I'd be unreachable the rest of the day. I headed for my church; a place where I could be "alone" in a sea of people.
I managed to find a quiet corner in the chapel only to have God tell me "no" until I realized He wanted me right up front at the altar. Grrrrr. So there I went; turned on the iPod; and waited. Now, understand I'm a worshiper, it's what I do. Music hits my ears and my soul cries out to God. Usually. Most of the time. But not today. Today I must WORK for it. And that really pisses me off. So I find some music that is anything but the typical music I usually use for worship; a little Third Day anybody? A heavy, throbbing beat and Mac Powell's voice in my ears, "Can you hear Him calling? Lift up your face!" This seemed just right - certainly not "angry" music by any means, but definitely not Kim Walker either. Just right.
That is, until the words begin to sink in. And then God started with the pictures. As soon as I realized the words were having an effect, I began to see the images He was laying on my heart. When it was over with, I was on my face, worship pouring out of not just my heart, but my lips as well. My Deliverer found me there, with a resistant spirit, an angry heart, and clenched lips. . .and He released me from the bondage that had held me for weeks. My grief began to slip; the strongest holds were broken, and for the first time in weeks I saw the Father who was grieving with me, not laughing at me. I saw the face of the one Whose own heart was aching when my son left this world and arrived in Eternity. This was the moment when God became Papa again - gone was the judge who'd deemed me unworthy of being a mother again, and here was the Father whose arms were my refuge.
Worship - it breaks serious bondage.
I got up, got my day started. . .all the while, that call to join Him in the intimate place of worship was still hammering on my heart. And I was still doing my level best to ignore it. I took the kids to school and went on into my office. And THAT was when things got interesting. I had about an hour before my secretary got in, and I powered up my computer and started some correspondence that needed to be done. I got it all done. . .was just htiting the "send" button when she got there. I went out to the front office to speak to her, and the very moment I walked back into MY office, the power shut down. I turned around to say something to her, and realized the power was on in the rest of the building. . .just not my office. Huh. Weird. Must be a fuse or something. So down to the basement I went, only to find the panel was right as rain. No flipped switches, no nothing. I shut everything down, turned it all back on, and went back upstairs. Nothing. But, it was only on ONE side of the building, and in one space. MY OFFICE. So, I went to the other room, to use the spare computer. I couldn't pull up a single one of my files. . .everyone elses, no problem. But mine were inaccessable no matter what I did. Huh. Weird.
And then, that voice, "Come. . .worship me." Ahh. . .the disobedient daughter now realizes that her Father is making a point.
I told Amanda I was leaving for the day, and went home to get my iPod and let my husband know I'd be unreachable the rest of the day. I headed for my church; a place where I could be "alone" in a sea of people.
I managed to find a quiet corner in the chapel only to have God tell me "no" until I realized He wanted me right up front at the altar. Grrrrr. So there I went; turned on the iPod; and waited. Now, understand I'm a worshiper, it's what I do. Music hits my ears and my soul cries out to God. Usually. Most of the time. But not today. Today I must WORK for it. And that really pisses me off. So I find some music that is anything but the typical music I usually use for worship; a little Third Day anybody? A heavy, throbbing beat and Mac Powell's voice in my ears, "Can you hear Him calling? Lift up your face!" This seemed just right - certainly not "angry" music by any means, but definitely not Kim Walker either. Just right.
That is, until the words begin to sink in. And then God started with the pictures. As soon as I realized the words were having an effect, I began to see the images He was laying on my heart. When it was over with, I was on my face, worship pouring out of not just my heart, but my lips as well. My Deliverer found me there, with a resistant spirit, an angry heart, and clenched lips. . .and He released me from the bondage that had held me for weeks. My grief began to slip; the strongest holds were broken, and for the first time in weeks I saw the Father who was grieving with me, not laughing at me. I saw the face of the one Whose own heart was aching when my son left this world and arrived in Eternity. This was the moment when God became Papa again - gone was the judge who'd deemed me unworthy of being a mother again, and here was the Father whose arms were my refuge.
Worship - it breaks serious bondage.
A Willing Slave
I've recently rediscovered Laura Story after following her for years as a writer, and sole contributor to Siler's Bald. She is an amazing writer, composer, and singer, and her hauntingly sweet voice touches something deep inside of me. In a recent search on iTunes for her newest release, Blessings, I found an album full of beautiful classics. It's been some time since I held a hymnal in my hands, inhaling the scent of those brittle, old pages that are coated with generations of the anointing of worshipers. I love the newer music, especially love prophetic worship for which there is no PowerPoint to follow or words on a page for that matter. But there really is something about the music of those who broke away from the oppressive religious dogma and found freedom in their new lives.
Bondage and worship are funny things when you think about it. A lot of people don't worship because of bondage, and a lot of people are freed from bondage through their worship. The founders of our faith had an intimate understanding of this concept, and through their rebellion and persistance we are now FREE to worship in the manner that suits our spirits and speaks to God.
All of that to share a new revelation of an old song that Laura Story recorded. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I'm sure most of us know the song and have probably sung it at some point in our lives. Standing in a row of pews, scanning the three lines of words that were broken by the musical notes we had to follow. ::: raises hand:::: I've been there. It's a classic opener and closer. Lot's of "thee's" and "thou's" sprinkled throughout as well. Recently, we sang this in our church; make that "mega church." The sound of three thousand voices rising to sing this song was quite beautiful, but there was ONE line that positively wrecked me, and I slipped out of the aisle and hit my knees with my face to the floor. Even before they sang the words, I remembed them, and it moved something deep inside of me. "Oh to grace how a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be. Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee." Do you know what a fetter is? It's like a shackle. It was used to constrain slaves; it's a form of bondage. And yet, the writer (Robert Robertson; likely freed from relgious bondage himself) is pleading to be fettered, to be enslaved.
What an amazingly beautiful picture of the desire we have for our Papa God.
How I long to be fettered to the One who puts His love song inside of me. If I can for one moment in time somehow breach the constraints of time and space to touch His ear with that song pouring out of me, then I'll have succeeded as a worshiper.
Bondage and worship are funny things when you think about it. A lot of people don't worship because of bondage, and a lot of people are freed from bondage through their worship. The founders of our faith had an intimate understanding of this concept, and through their rebellion and persistance we are now FREE to worship in the manner that suits our spirits and speaks to God.
All of that to share a new revelation of an old song that Laura Story recorded. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I'm sure most of us know the song and have probably sung it at some point in our lives. Standing in a row of pews, scanning the three lines of words that were broken by the musical notes we had to follow. ::: raises hand:::: I've been there. It's a classic opener and closer. Lot's of "thee's" and "thou's" sprinkled throughout as well. Recently, we sang this in our church; make that "mega church." The sound of three thousand voices rising to sing this song was quite beautiful, but there was ONE line that positively wrecked me, and I slipped out of the aisle and hit my knees with my face to the floor. Even before they sang the words, I remembed them, and it moved something deep inside of me. "Oh to grace how a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be. Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee." Do you know what a fetter is? It's like a shackle. It was used to constrain slaves; it's a form of bondage. And yet, the writer (Robert Robertson; likely freed from relgious bondage himself) is pleading to be fettered, to be enslaved.
What an amazingly beautiful picture of the desire we have for our Papa God.
How I long to be fettered to the One who puts His love song inside of me. If I can for one moment in time somehow breach the constraints of time and space to touch His ear with that song pouring out of me, then I'll have succeeded as a worshiper.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I Will Carry You
I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says,
"I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?"
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you
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